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Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Childhood best friends, Pata Fria and Crystal share the personal dysfunction in their lives, view on news, gossip, politics and so much more. Nothing is off limits, and everything is funny.


More Episodes:
  • 90: The Spence Stinkies
    Crystal is dressed like The Ultimate Warrior, Pata Fria is having contractions. Wear clean underwear for your medical procedures. Don’t have strangers text your kids, if you want Dottie or Crystal’s attention use cheese. Pregnancy really causes some unexpected surprises and body modifications have reached shocking new levels.  Join our... Read more
    Published on: 2020-08-05
  • 89: Maybe Don’t Eat Canned Meat
    Welcome back...some babies have arrived, court went well, cats cast spells, watch out for things sucking your feet! Check expiration dates everywhere, don’t joke about anyone’s trauma, utilize social media now more than ever and bring back products from the 80s!  Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is... Read more
    Published on: 2020-07-29
  • 88: Speaking Of Heavy Meats
    We’re back with a bang and good news from our doctors! Crystal had a long visit inside a small chamber, spiders can’t be trusted, keep your kids close but give your doggies some space. Try new meats and always be aware of your surroundings. Some difficult news and code switching... Read more
    Published on: 2020-07-22
  • 87: Kevin Is Famous
    California is shut back down, we might lose the Oakland zoo, Crystal and Kevin made the news! Stop following problematic artists, Oklahoma natives are owed some rent and some listener write-ins are discussed.  Wear a mask, people.  Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to... Read more
    Published on: 2020-07-15
  • 86: "You Go Fight At Cheese Park"
    Happy Birthday Frida Kahlo. Fires, no sleep, bubonic plague and firecrackers. Racists exposing themselves, a sad election and a couple fights. Always put your own well being first and get out of your comfort zone.  Enjoy xo. ... Read more
    Published on: 2020-07-08
  • 85: Just Leave Him
    Busy busy week learning new technology. Crystal’s been diffusing family drama and Pata Fria is stressed from not working. Covid is alive and well and it looks like we’ll be charged for treatments after all. Headlines are usually lies and commutation is always key.  Check out our sponsor!   BetterHelp... Read more
    Published on: 2020-07-01
  • 84: Always Wipe The Pee Off
    Happy Juneteenth/Father’s Day/Birthday! The ghost is picking on Dottie, Corona is alive and well, please rinse your damn dishes and everyone needs to wipe. Natalia is at it again, we have some really awesome listeners. No family towels and the ground is still lava.  Enjoy xo ... Read more
    Published on: 2020-06-24
  • 83: Crest With Sparkles
    Family drama, celebrities in trouble, a heart attack scare. Police are being erased from tv, company branding is getting a much needed makeover and a few businesses that won’t survive the pandemic. Some day to day objects that can be surprisingly useful, don’t sell content that isn’t yours! And now’s... Read more
    Published on: 2020-06-18
  • 82: She Ate The Carpet
    We’re back after a break, discussing some of what’s going on in the world. The importance of always speaking up, in the RIGHT way. Problematic family members don’t get a pass. Including Dottie. Crystal has once again expanded her squad. The Bay Area is slowly opening back up and never... Read more
    Published on: 2020-06-09
  • 81: Bitch, She's On TikTok
    It’s been a long hot week and we’re still under quarantine. Sometimes “friends” can be weird. Please practice some online etiquette, Crystal is now offering legal advice and lending out her purse. Pata Fria’s houseguest is showing off and Carolyn is acting out. Weird news, cool things to watch and... Read more
    Published on: 2020-05-28
  • 80: Is Lucy Missing Money?
    Happy Birthday Malcolm X and Pata Fria. Dottie is on her way out, a new animal is on the scene and pelvic pain is the worst. Find out if Crystal is under investigation and don’t let missing fingers and toes be a deal breaker.  Thank you to our sponsor! Better... Read more
    Published on: 2020-05-20
  • 79: My Tits Were My Best Personality Trait
    We're back again wishing Stevie Wonder and Dottie a happy birthday. Crystal's animal rescue foundation has re-homed all the kittens as she continues work as a full-time contractor. We share some tips on how not to train your dog, and get ready for bell bottoms because they're back. A little... Read more
    Published on: 2020-05-14
  • 78: Your Butthole Is Not For Vengeance
    We're back from a break because let's face it, sometimes life takes over. Cinco de Mayo is for drinking, we visit lots of weird news, and why were all grandparents so beautiful? Some parenting talk, new film and book recommendations and keep Crisco out of your god damn cookies. Enjoy.... Read more
    Published on: 2020-05-06
  • 77: Hit It With Something Wet
    Our brains are getting bored and we’re all dreamers. Home school is stressful. Health over capitalism. Must see show/film recommendations. Frankenstein is freezing and it’s a shitty time for a money scam. Crystal takes us down a dark path about cleanliness and if you don’t want to barter w your... Read more
    Published on: 2020-04-22
  • 76: Mom’s New Sex Toy
    Same old shit, different day.  Crystal and Pata Fria handled a joint dog catching assignment. Happy Birthday to Crystal’s mom Charlene. Pata Fria is doing a new form of charity work. Don’t expect Crystal to change her cleaning routine. Be careful how you speak to/in front of your kids. No... Read more
    Published on: 2020-04-16

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