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The Art of Charm

The Cheat Code to Building Deep Relationships and Being Unforgettable Toolbox

In today’s episode, we cover emotional bids with AJ and Johnny.


Understanding emotional bids is the cheat code to building great relationships, but what are they, how do you recognize them, and why does ignoring them lead to the end of relationships?


What to Listen For


  • Why are Emotional Bids Important – 2:25 


  • Why is it so important to your relationships to be able to recognize them? 
  • How can ignoring your partner’s emotional bids lead to the end of your relationship?
  • Why is it important to actively listen for emotional bids when you’re talking to someone?



  • What is an Emotional Bid – 16:38 


  • What is an emotional bid and how do you recognize when someone is trying to get you to connect?
  • Why is it more important to pay attention to the emotions behind the words than the words themselves?
  • How do you make someone want to text you back?
  • What can you do to be unforgettable after one conversation with someone?


  • Common Emotional Bids and the 3 Ways to Respond –  27:30
  • What is a bid for attention and how should you respond to it?
  • What is a bid for emotional support and how should you respond to it?
  • What does it mean to turn toward an emotional bid and how can turning away from them or against them cause your relationships to crumble?
  • What are the 3 ways we can respond to emotional bids and which one is guaranteed to make your relationship fail?


  • How to Use Emotional Bids to Strengthen Relationships – 48:02
  • What simple exercise can you use to become aware of emotional bids from the people you interact with on a daily basis?
  • How can a lack of awareness of emotional bids lead to divorce and what can you do to be more aware of them in your partner?


Emotional bids are our way of expressing vulnerability without feeling like we’re taking a big risk, so if we can recognize the emotional bids in others, acknowledge them, and respond appropriately by turning toward them, we can make the people we care about feel more comfortable being more vulnerable and connecting with us.


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Resources from this Episode

Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (AoC Episode 719)

Turning Toward Emotion (AoC Episode 720)

The Love Lab – Gottman Institute

Art of Charm Emotional Bids Cheat Sheet

X-Factor Accelerator Mentorship

Core Confidence Coaching Program


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

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