Huberman Lab
Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships
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In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating.
Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology.
Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships.
Access the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.
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Timestamps
00:00:00 Esther Perel
00:02:03 Sponsors: David Protein, LMNT & Helix Sleep
00:06:33 Romantic Relationships, Change & Self
00:11:18 Cornerstone vs. Capstone Relationships, Age Differences
00:16:53 Young vs. Older Couples, Dynamic Relationships
00:20:13 Identity & Relationship Evolution
00:26:00 Curiosity, Reactivity
00:30:29 Sponsor: AG1
00:31:59 Polarization, Conflict; Coherence & Narratives
00:38:21 Apologies, Forgiveness, Shame, Self-Esteem
00:45:00 Relationship Conflict
00:53:48 Sponsor: Function
00:55:35 Verb States of Conflict; Emotion, Narratives vs. Reality
01:00:10 Time Domains & Hurt; Caretaker & Romantic Relationships
01:08:03 Couples Therapy; Language & Naming
01:20:15 Desire in Relationships
01:26:20 Tool: Love & Desire
01:31:28 Infidelity, “Aliveness”
01:35:17 Intimacy, Abandonment, Self-Preservation
01:41:26 Erotic Blueprints, Emotional Needs
01:49:42 Tool: Repair Work, Relationship Revival; Sincere Apologies
01:59:30 Tool: Relationship Readiness
02:03:33 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter
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